Vince

_{Love is what you speak of it.}

^{By Vincent Nguyen | April 26, 2024 7:32pm PST}

Love for me is like one of those embarrassing memories that you want to erase in your database for good, but it just so happens to pop up at random moments in life; and while it’s active in your mind, you might think about how you could’ve done it differently, why it happened, why you did it, or how silly it was in hindsight.

The memories that I have with love throughout my life are almost non-existent, and I don’t know if it’ll ever be rekindled.

Just thinking back on all of my crushes, hopeless romantics, missed opportunities, and never-had-a-chances up until this point in life, I could easily say to myself woulda coulda shoulda, but it wouldn’t do me any good.

The past is the past, and I can only learn from it.

If I asked you to define love, what would you say?

Honestly, would you give a generic type of answer or would you try to describe it with your own experiences?

A generic answer to me would be something like, “Love is when people have feelings for one another.”

If someone had asked me this question to my younger self I probably would’ve given a generic answer too.

In my opinion, love is all about communication. The responses and replies that we give are pretty much all that matters in sustaining a relationship.

In a way, it’s similar to professional sports. The team or athlete that executes flawlessly or performs close to perfection when the moment counts will often obtain the trophy.

Sure, execution and performance are important in itself, but mistakes and errors can be made if not communicated properly between teammates, coaches, and staff members during practice and games.

Effective verbal communication can easily untangle a stubborn knot. And non-effective verbal communication can be disastrous.

Anyone reading this who plays video games might know the reference I’m about to give, but whether it’s meeting your potential match for the first time or maybe keeping a relationship going for x amount of years, a good relationship between two people depends on the responses we choose to say out of all the possible ones available for that occasion.

The type of video games that I’m referring to are the interactive storytelling games that require you to make quickly timed, yet important choices that will determine the outcome of the story. Usually, these interactive games have multiple choices for you to choose from, but in real life, you probably have much more (or less) at your disposal.

The part that can be difficult in real life is coming up with the right answer quickly enough during a moment when you have to say something. Nobody can just pause the time and think of the perfect answer, then unpause and continue with the conversation.

_{^{As Dusk Falls by Interior Night and Xbox Game Studios.}}

I don’t know if there are people who feel the same way, but I sometimes think there are those who are capable of being in a relationship, like they have that ‘it’ factor or personal quality, and then there are others who just aren’t capable or shouldn’t be in one.

I know for a fact that in certain countries of the world, being single past a certain age is perceived as being a failure. Luckily I’m not born and raised nor living in those countries.

I don’t think people should make it a personal goal to be in a relationship just because others are in one, or because social norm is pressuring them to.

I’m starting to think I’m one of those people who aren’t capable of being in a relationship because, well, given my age at 35 and still single, I’ve pretty much accepted that it’s okay to be without a partner, as it should be in our society, and there’s nothing wrong with it.

But I’ll explain what exactly I think is the cause for my ‘singleness’, and why I’ve never been in an actual relationship with anyone before.

I’ve dated once a long time ago when I was in high school, but it didn’t become anything serious and that was it. Nothing happened after that and I’ve been single since. That was the only time in my life that I went on a date. That one dinky little date as a teenager, which didn’t even feel like a date but rather just me and her hanging out at the mall.

And then there were other romantic encounters that had their moments but didn’t amount to anything because I was too shy.

As I got older, I thought to myself for the longest time that the reason why I was single was that I didn’t have a career, like not having a well-paying job. I felt like I was missing something that was required of me to impress a girl, so that she could show off to her friends and family.

Yet, on the other hand, how many times have I seen guys without well-paying jobs, who don’t have a career, yet they’d have someone they can do things with romantically or together as a married couple.

Not too long ago, I asked two of my wonderful female coworkers a particular question about this. They’ve been engaged for a long time and are both happily married.

I wanted to pick their brains and see if there were any similarities.

I asked them specifically, ‘What do you think is the key to a long-lasting relationship?’ One of them said “Trust, any temptations he has, he’ll let me know about.”, and the other mentioned communication.

I remember when Jay Leno was asked a similar question on The Tonight Show and his response was, “She’s always right.”, which is effective communication as mentioned earlier.

So this is why I think I’m one of those who isn’t fit to be in a relationship because I lack the communication skills. An important skill to hold a conversation. An important skill to build trust. A vital skill to make it in almost any aspect of our everyday lives. Work, school, personal life, gatherings, basically everywhere in society.

I’m an introvert with serious social anxiety, especially when there are a lot of people around who can listen to our conversation.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand communication isn’t the only thing that might be holding me back, but I feel as though it’s the most important thing.

And trust me, I’m still working on my interpersonal skills, and have gone through different methods of improving it.

For now though, and maybe in the future, I’m indifferent about getting into a romantic relationship. If it happens it happens, if not, cool.

I can live with being single for the rest of my life, as long as I can live independently, I’ll be happy.

I’m at the point in my adulthood where I prefer to have another kind of companionship, a one that would be much better suited for me, a one where I don’t have to worry about impressing her or proving my validation or self-worth to whomever.

A dog.

I could use a small four-legged furball to cuddle with, to come home to, to wake up with, to exercise with perhaps. Man, what I would do for a newborn Pug or French Bulldog.

As they say, a dog is a man’s or woman’s best friend. They’d be my ultra best friend.

Maybe one day when things get better for me financially.